Skip to main content Skip to search Skip to search

Biography & Autobiography Lgbt

Where's the Mother?

Stories from a Transgender Dad

by (author) Trevor MacDonald

foreword by Fiona Giles

Publisher
Trans Canada Press
Initial publish date
May 2016
Category
LGBT
  • Paperback / softback

    ISBN
    9780991964505
    Publish Date
    May 2016
    List Price
    $21.99
  • Hardback

    ISBN
    9780991964512
    Publish Date
    May 2016
    List Price
    $45.99
  • eBook

    ISBN
    9780991964529
    Publish Date
    May 2016
    List Price
    $9.99

Classroom Resources

Where to buy it

Description

In a time when to most people “pregnancy” automatically means “motherhood,” what is it like to get pregnant, give birth, and breastfeed a child all while being an out transgender man?

When Trevor MacDonald decided to start a family, he knew that the world was going to have questions for him. As a transgender man in a gay relationship, Trevor has gone through the journeys of pregnancy, childbirth, and nursing all while exploring (and sometimes defending) his role as a trans dad. Trevor and his partner tackle all the questions new parents are familiar with, such as: Should we feed our baby breast milk or formula? Should we have a hospital or home birth?

Other questions are less familiar: How can a man cope with gender dysphoria when going through such female-coded rituals as childbirth and breastfeeding? How can a person breastfeed after having had chest masculinization surgery? How do we find donor milk to supplement our own modest milk supply?

Luckily for the reader, Trevor explains his own answers to these questions with grace and humour. His stories convey the intimate and sometimes surprising realities of the transgender parenting experience. This memoir is a book about being a breastfeeding parent and a transgender man, and the many beautiful, moving, and difficult ways these two identities collide. It reminds us that birth is a fundamental process that lies outside simplistic definitions and concepts. Coming at a time when transgender people around the world face significant legislative oppression and violence, “Where’s the Mother?” is a memoir about love and family like no other.

About the authors

Contributor Notes

Trevor MacDonald started his blog, www.milkjunkies.net, to share his experiences of transitioning, becoming pregnant, and breastfeeding with the use of supplementary donated human milk. Since 2011, milkjunkies.net has received over half a million visitors.

Trevor founded the first online support group for transgender people interested in pregnancy, birth, and breast or chestfeeding. He has initiated and helped to design and carry out a study funded by the Canadian Institutes of Health Research on the experiences of trans-masculine individuals with pregnancy, birth, and infant feeding. He received international media attention in 2013 when his application to volunteer with his local chapter of La Leche League, a worldwide breastfeeding support organization, was blocked on the grounds of his gender identity. He successfully campaigned for a change to LLL’s policy in 2014.

Trevor is a Huffington Post featured blogger, and has appeared as a speaker and workshop leader at conferences such as Yonifest (with Ina May Gaskin and Michel Odent); the Philadelphia Trans Health Conference; the Canadian Professional Association for Transgender Health; the Canadian Association of Midwives; and the International Lactation Consultant Association, to name a few. He frequently presents educational sessions for church groups, university courses, LGBT youth groups, and health care workers.

Excerpt: Where's the Mother?: Stories from a Transgender Dad (by (author) Trevor MacDonald; foreword by Fiona Giles)

Just a year after my surgery, Ian and I talked for the first time about starting a family. The thought had not crossed my mind until I transitioned. Suddenly, I had new space in my soul to care for others.

I wasn’t sure I liked kids. I hadn’t spent much time with any, and I was a bit scared of the ones I knew. Kids say exactly what they are thinking, including things like, “Are you a boy or a girl?”

It seems, too, that many can tell in an instant if an adult is not feeling confident. Luckily for me, our baby would be born a baby and not a kid, and we would have time to get to know each other well before the need to negotiate over candy, bedtimes, or car keys.

I also took courage from the fact that Ian was, and is, amazing with kids. Friends of ours have been surprised more than once to hear their normally standoffish babies and toddlers crying for him, asking to be held, played with, and read to. Ian had assumed that as a gay man, he’d never have children of his own.

As surprised and unprepared as we both were (neither of us had ever changed a diaper before our own kid was born), we knew that we wanted to raise a baby together. We wanted a little person to love, cuddle, delight in, and guide as best we could.

Editorial Reviews

“A deeply compelling memoir from a transgender man who birthed and breastfed his children – it’s informative, inspiring, and transformational.”

– DIANA WEST, co-author of The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding, 8th edition

"Well-written, engaging, friendly, informative, and laugh-out-loud in places – I really enjoyed it."

– FIONA GILES (Author of Fresh Milk: The Secret Life of Breasts and Dick for a Day: What Would You do if You Had One?)

“Trevor's story is both unique and universal. It is about a man breastfeeding his child, which is certainly unique, but it is also about a parent striving to give a baby the best possible nourishment, love and care – which is something every parent understands. Despite the challenges, Trevor doesn't take himself too seriously: he always keeps his sense of humor and his humility. You can't help but be drawn into his story.”

– TERESA PITMAN (co-author, The Ultimate Book of Breast-feeding Answers and The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding, 8th edition)

Related lists