The Incredible Adventure Begins

THIS is a magical story about a kind and very famous Scottish sea captain named Captain MacDuddyfunk. He lives on a mysterious island called Cuggermuggerland.

Actually, no one is really quite sure where Cuggermuggerland is located.

You see, no one has visited Cuggermuggerland for hundreds of years, way before computers and mobile phones were invented. There aren't even any maps that could help locate the mysterious island.

Many school teachers have not wanted to believe there is an island called Cuggermuggerland. "It's only a legend, a make-believe story," they said. For the teachers were quite sure that if Cuggermuggerland existed, it would be on all the maps. But it wasn't.

One old teacher, a Mr Bruce MacDuddyfunk, who had been a grade four school teacher for many years, believed the island is located somewhere off the coast of Newfoundland.

"It's true!" he would say during school lunch. "Honestly, my great-great-grand uncle, Captain MacDuddyfunk was shipwrecked on Cuggermuggerland over one hundred years ago."

But no one believed him. In fact, all the other teachers made fun of him. However, there have been some unusual stories written about Cuggermuggerland. According to one story, Cuggermuggerland was inhabited by people who called themselves Quidnuncs who spoke a language called Twaddleize, whatever that was! Of course, no one else in the world spoke Twaddleize.

All these stories describe the Quidnuncs as a peace loving and happy people. They were very concerned with the environment and global warming. At one time, so the story goes, the Quidnuncs had been conquered by an angry people called the Shilpits, because they were very jealous of the Quidnuncs. The Shilpits lived on an island called Ugglesomeland.

The Quidnuncs were very different and not at all like the Shilpits. The Quidnuncs ate better food than the Shilpits did; had a better education system for their children; better health care for their people and were better at taking care of their grandparents.

The Shilpits, who enjoyed bullying people, were a noisy bunch and their children didn't like going to school. In addition, they were always shouting, screaming and whining for no apparent reason. They were always telling each other how bored they were. Every day, all year long, at exactly nine o'clock in the morning, and exactly at five o'clock in the evening, all the Shilpits would race down to the beach and kick sand into each other's eyes and then throw water over each other. The Shilpits were bored and angry people.

Yes, the Shilpits were indeed very jealous of the Quidnuncs.

Another reason why the Shilpits were upset was that the language they spoke, Wantwit, only had fifty words in their dictionary.

Well, you can imagine the Shilpits must have found it very difficult, not only to communicate properly with each other but also to speak to the Quidnuncs.

Some words in the Wantwit language, such as pozzy-wallah, had different meanings. Pozzy-wallah meant books, bed, games, toothpaste, school and music. It was all so confusing to the Shilpits.

Now, on the other hand, the Quidnuncs were possibly the most talkative people in the world. They believed in education, sending their children to school and sitting-down all together as a family to eat breakfast, lunch and dinner.

The Quidnuncs loved each other very much. They loved to hug each other. When they met another Quidnunc, they didn't shake hands, they hugged. The Quidnuncs were possibly the greatest huggers in the world!

When it came time to eat their food, the Quidnuncs and the Shilpits were very different. The Shilpits' favourite food and the only food they ate, was called Flummadiddle. Flummadiddle was an awful mess that included stale bread, pork fat, molasses and cloves. Now, the Quidnuncs favourite food, but not the only food they ate, was called a MacDuddyfunk. A MacDuddyfunk was a delicious fresh warm pie, made of low-fat certified organic beef, lamb or pork, healthy dark green vegetables and lots of delicious mouth-watering spices. According to one story, the MacDuddyfunk had been invented by a famous Scottish sea captain whose name was Captain MacDuddyfunk. The Captain, while sailing to Newfoundland from the island of Bermuda during a violent storm, had been forced to land his ship on the dangerous rocks situated near a village called Rowlyrag on Cuggermuggerland.