INTRODUCTION

Time bends memory, like music forgotten from the past, until one day a few notes resurface, and the melody returns. In the half century since my student days, certain things remain bright and vivid, untarnished by the passage of time. I came of age in the grip of a hospital, molded by the events described in this memoir. This is my story. *** In 1931, the Saint John General Hospital was rebuilt on the former site of a decrepit wooden structure that had passed its best-before date by decades. The new yellow brick building was in its final stage of construction but not yet ready for its official opening. Dr. Arthur Chesley was chosen as the first doctor for the new health centre, and his leadership guided every future operational decision. Behind the new building stood a wooden annex that continued to serve as a wing for contagious and infectious diseases. The worst cases were isolated here, and the nurses were constantly putting themselves at risk. This was an age where there were no antibiotics. One can imagine that the nurses' hands were scrubbed raw with carbolic soap in an effort to stay free of disease. My nursing career had its genesis in 1949 when I was eight years old. It all started with a trip to the Saint John General Hospital that left quite an impression on my young mind. My mother intended to visit a sick friend, and I was going with her. “Get your coat on, we’re going to the hospital.” At first, I resisted, wondering if someone was going to stick a needle in my arm. We normally had vaccines at school, but my fear was that I would be having one at the hospital that day. My moment of indecision ended as Mother yanked me to the closet and forced me to pull on my coat. We lived on Wentworth Street in the middle of the slums, close enough to the General that we could walk. We took off at a brisk pace. Mother wanted to get there before the visiting hour started. We pushed the heavy glass and brass doors open and entered the large baronial hall. Visitors were detained here until the precise moment of the evening visit. The one commissionaire on duty stood with his arms crossed, a man not to be questioned. With his chest pushed out, he looked very important. It was his job to announce to visitors the precise moment when they were allowed to go up to the floors—not one minute early and never one minute late! The waiting area was quiet but expectant with the uneasy talk of family members. Their hushed tones reflected the serious fact that they were here, in a hospital. The chairs were massive but few, built of heavy oak with carved high backs and leather seats. They were uncomfortable at best, and as a child, taking a brief turn to sit down, my legs and feet swung free. There was an established social order around who could sit. Men took off their hats or caps and sat only if feeble and frail. Chivalry prevailed, so a gentleman would give up his seat to a woman and she in turn permitted a child a moment’s rest, then the child got up quickly for another person—a form of musical chairs without the music. The high, ceiling amazed me. “Is this a church, Mommy?” She ignored me. The mahogany panelled walls were hung with beautiful large framed portraits looking down on the visitors. “Can they see me, Mommy?” I looked up and painted eyes seemed to stare back. Still no answer from my mom, but this wasn’t unusual. The waiting area became increasingly crowded as the minute hand of the tall mahogany grandfather clock crept closer to 7:00 p.m. “Visiting time is now open!” the commissionaire’s voice boomed. Everyone in the waiting area made a mad dash for the stairs and elevators. En masse, the horde made its way. With only one brief hour allowed, the full day’s worth of catching up had to be compressed. A marble staircase led to the second-floor landing where the elevators opened and closed. They looked like metal cages with an outer door that drew across like an accordion and closed with a clang. A shiny brass banister tempted me to run up the stairs and slide down, but hauled along in the grip of my mother’s hand, I dared not! Underneath the banister were bronze animals and strange-looking fish, placed so that no one could fall through the space. We squeezed inside the second elevator, and once it was full of passengers, the solid door closed silently. It did not feel safe as it bumped and vibrated along its upward path. “Is it a cage? Are there lions?” This at least caused my mother to glance at me. “What stinks, Mommy?” She still didn’t answer but others around me smiled at my remark as the scent of ether wafted down the elevator shafts from the seventh-floor operating theatres. As passengers got off at each floor, a whoosh of smelly air came through the open doors. The atmosphere held a mixture of bodily odours from illness and the ever-present disinfectant that was used on all surfaces. The smell stuck in my nose. “It still stinks, Mommy.” I don’t remember if I ever had an answer as to the cause. *** Shortly after this visit to the hospital, my family left Saint John and moved a few miles away to the village of Renforth. Dad had purchased us a house, a brand new two-storey wood structure with an identical house next to it. Although we mainly had wooden crates that originally held oranges for furniture, we would now have our first secure home. There was a mud yard, later to be seeded but for now brown and rocky. My dad was a recovering alcoholic, a violent man in the past, but he had become a member of Alcoholics Anonymous. His transformation resulted in a newly sober father. AA had a prayer that we recited daily: "God grant me the courage to change the things I can, the serenity to accept the things I cannot, and the wisdom to know the difference." That prayer and my father's black leather Bible became the foundation of our new life. When we first arrived at the new house, my parents, my sister, and I removed our shoes and walked inside. I had never seen shining hardwood floors. “Why do we have two living rooms, Daddy?” “It’s a dining room.” I was supposed to know what that meant. Alongside the dining room was the kitchen with simple painted wood cupboards and a drop-down ironing board hidden in the wall. A huge pullout bin held fifty pounds of flour that would be well used by my mother, who liked to bake. I yelled to my sister, “Shirley, come on, hurry up. Let’s go upstairs.” We found a wide hallway with cupboards for linen, a bathroom, and three bedrooms. Never had I imagined a home of our own, let alone my own bedroom. My sis and I had always shared a bed, covered in old tablecloths for bedding, and now we would separate to our own rooms. Sis chose the second-largest bedroom with two clothes closets, and I got the smallest with a single closet. My room looked out over the backyard, but from the hall window I could see a forest of trees and long slabs of granite snaking along the earth like so many extended grey centipedes. Nearby was a farm with black-and-white cows. I ran down the stairs, went out the door in a flash, and began to explore what I had seen from the upstairs window. I had never been in the woods or a park. The rich scent beckoned me in, and a variety of trees with their needles and leaves could not be resisted. The forest was magic. I named it Wonderland. Moving from a slum with a brothel across the street to the sanctuary of Renforth opened future possibilities for regular attendance at a school, and friends. It sparked my eager, exploring mind. I would have goals, ambition, and a fierce drive to succeed that had lain dormant but now emerged as I left behind the years of hardship.