The greatest, funniest and most memorable phrases in hockey history: * ''I get paid for the practices. I'd play the games for nothing.'' Tim Horton, former Toronto Maple Leafs defenseman * ''When we've got the puck, they can't score.'' Paul Coffey, former Edmonton Oilers forward * ''We get nose jobs all the time in the NHL, and we don't even have to go to the hospital.'' Brad Park, former Detroit Red Wings defenseman * ''Hockey players can walk on water.'' Unknown * ''How would you like a job where every time you make a mistake, a big red light goes on and 18,000 people boo?'' Jacques Plante, former Montreal Canadiens goaltender * ''I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.'' Rodney Dangerfield, comedian * ''You miss 100 percent of the shots you never take.'' Wayne Gretzky, ''The Great One'' * ''Remember, keep your stick on the ice.'' Steve Smith, a.k.a. Red Green * ''I've got nothing to say, and I'm only going to say it once!'' Floyd Smith, former Toronto Maple Leafs head coach * And many more.

Arpon Basu had said since the age of eight that he would one day make the National Hockey League. Any chance of that happening, came to a crashing halt when, at 15 when he realized he was completely devoid of any talent. He earned a graduate journalism degree from Concordia University and went straight to a sports-writing job with the Canadian Press. The first time he walked into the Montréal Canadiens dressing room as a giddy cub reporter, Basu nearly fell over as it dawned on him that, despite his ineptitude on the ice, he had in fact been telling the truth as a dreamy-eyed eight-year-old.Basu covers sports for the Canadian Press in Montréal and writes a weekly sports column for the Montréal Gazette. He is also editor of Montréal’s South Shore, The St-Lambert Journal.

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